When different parts of you seem to want different things
You may sometimes feel at odds with yourself. You know what you want, but something inside you seems to pull you in another direction. You want to speak up but go quiet. You want closeness but pull away. You know you need a boundary but feel guilty when you try to set one.
At times, you may feel deeply connected to your emotions. At other times, you may feel numb, detached, or shut down. Your reactions can feel automatic, as though something happens before you have time to think.
You may understand something logically but still feel or respond differently. You may wonder, “Why can't I just make myself respond differently?”
There may be a reason.
When we experience overwhelming or repeated experiences, different parts of us can develop around different needs.
Some parts of you may feel emotionally vulnerable, frightened, or overwhelmed. Others may be angry, critical, controlling, or even seem harsh. Some may try to keep the peace or take care of everyone else.
Others may simply push through, stay busy, and keep functioning no matter how they feel.
These parts can seem very different from one another, and sometimes they may even seem to be working against each other. But each developed for a reason.
These responses can become automatic. You may not consciously choose to shut down, people-please, become critical, or keep pushing yourself forward.
It can be confusing to feel pulled in different directions.
You might know that someone is not good for you, yet still feel drawn back toward them. You might know you are safe, yet still feel afraid. You might want to set a boundary, yet feel unable to follow through. You might know something was not your fault, yet still carry the responsibility for it.
Parts work helps make sense of these conflicts.
The different parts of you are not separate people, and they are not something you need to get rid of.
They are ways your mind and nervous system learned to respond to your experiences.
Parts work helps you become curious about what is happening inside rather than judging yourself for it.
Instead of asking, “What's wrong with me?” we can ask: What part of me is activated? What is it trying to protect me from? What did it learn?
We slow things down and explore what a part is feeling, what it believes, what it is trying to protect you from, and what it learned along the way.
Sometimes a protective part needs to be understood before deeper wounds can be approached.
Sometimes a younger or more vulnerable part needs a different experience from the one it had before.
I integrate parts work with EMDR and attachment-focused therapy when appropriate, moving at a pace that respects your capacity and what you are ready to work with.
You are not broken because your reactions do not always match what you know logically.
Your responses may make more sense when you understand where they came from.
Parts work can help you understand why you respond the way you do, recognize when an old pattern has been activated, and begin responding differently.
You do not have to fight the parts of yourself that are trying to protect you. You can learn to understand them.
I offer online therapy for adults healing from complex trauma, attachment wounds, and difficult relationships.